i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
