The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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