whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The power of my boobs compel you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
