why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
