I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize