We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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Don't EVER smell your tampon
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.