Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.