I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.