All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.