remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??