OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!