I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.