his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.