I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A+ Viking dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.