You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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