At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Text me some of your sweat
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
