you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
