Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
