I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
