I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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