i will never coherently bang her
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
