i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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