can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
