I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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