Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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