Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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