He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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