I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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