Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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