her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
