woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
