dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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