It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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