Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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