he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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