i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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