what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you win again, gameday.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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