my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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