How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
