Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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