you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
