just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
