There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
