I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
