If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
