We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
