Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
