i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
