oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
