This is not my ceiling
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
