just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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