Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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