The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
