I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
