i just wanna soil my oats bro
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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