I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
