Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
