Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
