I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
