Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
