finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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