I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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