plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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