Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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