I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
