she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
