The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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