my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
