'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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