I bet he comes in French.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
