R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You pole danced in your parka.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
