you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
