saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
