Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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