the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
COCAINE IS GR8
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
