I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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