I bet he comes in French.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
