so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He felt like a one man threesome
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
