My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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