I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
